A Domestic Violence Awareness Message to Young Women

As you likely know by now, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Every domestic violence awareness advocate wants to provide their communities with education and services in desperate hope to one day end domestic violence.

There are many aspects to ending domestic violence, including uplifting and preparing the younger generations. I was inspired to create this video and write this message to the younger generations after spoking to a young mother currently experiencing domestic violence.

A Message to Young Women

To all the young sisters,

Don’t pollute your teens, 20’s, and 30’s with things you will need to heal from in your 40’s and 50’s. Too many of us have walked that road for you.

Treasure yourself now. Treat yourself with respect.

Set your boundaries and maintain them; boundaries are for your own protection.

Expect respect. Expect safety. Expect Love.

You are enough on you own. Never add someone to your life that subtracts from you. Never fear subtracting someone from your life to make yourself whole.

Love, love, love yourself. 

See yourself now. 

When you are in the mirror, look beyond the surface.

Speak words of self-love. Speak words of self-worth. You are worthy of love and that real love needs to come from you.

Talk to yourself with kindness and model what you expect from others.

Be open-minded to learning from the older generations. We don’t want to go through what we did.

Share the Wealth

I recently heard a woman around my age say that we should have friends in age groups outside of our own. Our older friends are expected to have more knowledge and experience and can therefore help guide us.

To the younger generation, you are the more experienced and more knowledgeable friend that guides them. What a beautiful concept of true community and uplifting. So share the wealth of knowledge and experience with the younger people in your life.

Do you have older and younger friends?

What advice do you or would you like to share with the younger generations?

Share in the comments.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month – Green Flags in Relationships

Did you know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

In relationships, red flags are signs that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous.

Dr Wendy Walsh in 10 Red Flags in Relationships

It can be fairly easy to recognize red flags. However, many of us ignore or explain those red flags away; especially in our younger years. Many of us want to see the best of people, or explain away someone’s actions because of their past traumas.

Since we usually want to see the good, the ability to observe green flags in an healthy relationship is a very important life skill. Here are seven green flags we can look for in an healthy relationship or partner.

We create boundaries to protect every aspect of our well-being. Having your boundaries honored within any relationship should be expected.
If your relationship/partner encourages you to create and/or pursue your personal goals for self-development, the green flag is waving.
We should feel safe enough to communicate openly within our relationships without the fear of ridicule or abuse.
Self-reflection is an important part of any healthy relationship. Self-reflection increases self-awareness, inspires self-acceptance, challenge thoughts, uncover breakthrough, etc.
Vulnerability between partners nurtures a connection, increases trust, and build courage.
There should be no room for negotiation when it comes down to being valued in a relationship.
Spirituality can mean different things to different people. There should at the very least be a mutual respect.

What green flags would you add? Comment below.

Plan2Heal – A Not Mad. Motivated. Challenge

After surviving traumatic experiences, such as domestic violence abuse, much healing is needed. The end to the experience does not end the trauma. Healing doesn’t happen over night, and it doesn’t happen without working for it. Surviving after trauma does not equate to be healed. Simply making it through each day and week should not be enough. It is not enough. That is why I am “planning” to heal. I challenge you to do the same!

Did you know that some people are traumatized by witnessing or hearing about the traumatic experiences of other?

Not long ago, I realized that I was just surviving. Between a full time career and three children, I barely found the time to experience absolute joy. This is not to say that my life was completely void of joy. It is more saying that being in “survivor mode” did not allow me to fulling engage in the joy that was around me.

It is so easy to go through a day without stopping and caring for ourselves. How many times have we wished that there was more time in a day? It may seem difficult to “find” time for personal care, but the time we spend in joy and in peace is the time where healing resides.

I am challenging myself to Plan2Heal. My ultimate goal is to “find” time for my healing through planning to use my time more efficiently. I am in the process of designing a planner to use as a guide. I would love for you to join me in this challenge. The planner will have 6 unique pages, which you can print as needed. And it will be free.

Success is easier and sweeter when it is done together. Let’s help keep each other accountable. Let’s plan2heal together. Look for the planner and more details next week.

Also, if you are a survivor of Domestic Violence Abuse, a business owner, and an iPhone user, and you are not on Clubhouse but would like to be, send me an email or message me through social media. I have invites.

“Not Mad. Motivated.” to Find Solutions

Life presents obstacles . . . daily. It is sometimes the smallest, most mundane difficulty which seems to multiple any other hardships you are experiencing. You know what I mean, right? You are juggling the ‘world’ while cooking dinner and making sure the kids are participating in virtual learning and then . . . you spill a cup a milk. The reality is that we sometimes cry over the [tip-of the-iceberg] ‘spilled milk’. After that “cry”, it’s time for a “Not Mad. Motivated. to find solutions” mindset.

This year, most of us have found ourselves at home more then usual. With schools closing in March and virtual school this fall, my youngest son has much more time and opportunity to get into things. He is quick and quiet when he wants to be. And he has proven that toothbrushes, toothpaste, and shampoo are not safe around him. Regardless of his special needs, I must teach him how to interact with household items. However, until that lesson is learned, solutions were needed to relieve some unnecessary stress.

More time home? More time for small hands to be busy!

1. Wall Mounted Adhesive Toothbrush Organizer Stand

Many toothbrushes – and a few tubes of toothpaste – have gone missing over the past few months. Some have been recovered, often behind beds and mostly in a bare state (without bristles). After buying yet another pack of toothbrushes, I decided to look into a solution to keep these valuable grooming tools safe.

I decided to give a wall mounted toothbrush organizer a try. The system should be sufficient for two people – I purchased one for each bathroom. It is easy to assemble and to secured with the included adhesive strip. After a month, there is been no issues with it moving or shifting, and no toothbrushes have gone missing. A win so far!

2. Door Monkey Door Lock & Pinch Guard

We recently had a room change in my house. My youngest son moved out of a room that was his for most of his eight year. I expected that he would continue to go to this room and treat it as his own, even though his brother’s belongings would now be in there.

I thought about adding a chain lock to the outside of the interior doors; although I did not like this idea. I was ecstatic to find a temporary solution that did not require drilling, plus every one who is suppose to open the doors could easily do so. It keeps the door slightly open, but can be pulled off with no problem when complete privacy is needed. However, it only works if it is on the door, so remembering to return it is important to our success!

3. Rustproof Suction Basket

Have you ever spent a little extra money for a good bottle of shampoo or conditioner – and then see it going down the drain? I had my new bottles of hair care items in the reach of my son while he was in the bathroom. What a mistake! I went to the next room, briefly, and I returned to see his bath water full of my investment. When I replaced my shampoo and conditioner, I also picked up an handy basket to keep items higher .

The suction on this basket has been 100 percent reliable so far. My son has not paid too much attention to it yet. If he started pulling at it, I will really see what it is made of. However, for now, it is serving it’s purpose – eliminating a small bit of unnecessary stress from my day!

Bonus Solution: A “It’s-Right-Here” Fanny Pack

I recently purchased a fanny pack in hopes that it would help me keep up with medicine, and small items that I may need at anytime. Here are some items I keep in my “It’s-Right-Here” fanny pack:

  • Nose Spray
  • Nail Kit (clippers, emery board, nail file. . .)
  • Box Cutter (for opening and breaking down boxes)
  • Eye glass screwdriver (mainly for tightening small screws)
  • Assortment of writing utensils (pen, pencil, Sharpie, Expo marker)

What would you keep in yours?

Not Mad. Motivated. to Find Solutions

Sometime, the smaller obstacles in our daily lives can feel tremendous when they are placed among other taxing problems. Look for solutions that can help ease those smaller obstacles. You will not only relieve a little stress but you could also build up confident and motivation to conquer bigger tasks! Your ability to problem-solve is infinite. Get creativity and find what works for you! And remember, do Not get Mad. Get Motivated. to find solutions!

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Happy Day, Mothers! from Not Mad. Motivated.

I wrote a lot about my dad last week, remembering his life. This week, I am revisiting and updating a post from May 2018 called “Happy Day, Mothers”. I hope you find something useful.

As Mother’s Day was approaching in 2018, I wanted to write something to commemorate the occasion.  I sat down several times for my “Happy Mother’s Day” post. However, I could not find the words to satisfy my desired message. As the day ended, I decided to wait for the right words.

Waiting to celebrate mothers, on a day other than Mother’s Day, ironically became the very essence of this expression of love and appreciation. The importance of a mother could never be contained to just one day.  No matter your opinion of her, your mother shared her whole self with you for you to be in this exact moment. You are in THIS moment with this life of limitless opportunity because of an incredible duty that she fulfilled.  

A Woman’s Place

No mother is perfect.  Some mothers make it look easier than others, but being a mother is extremely hard.  Being a good mother is even harder.  As children, we can unknowingly, impose unrealistic expectations on our mothers.  These expectations may be unrealistic because of issues such as lack of experience, knowledge, or financial and emotional support.  But with compassion, forgiveness and unconditional respect, children can find themselves grow into healthier and more productive adults. 

In general, “Society” it undervalues women. This has occurred throughout of human history. According to a recent study, women mayors are three times more likely to be physically attacked compared to mayors who are men. These women are elected city leaders on a stage for many to see; not the many women and girls living with abusive behaviors passed down from generation to generation and directly impacting the well-being of mothers (and potential mothers) everywhere.

With All Due Respect

Imagine a community – or humanity as an whole – where all children are taught to respect their mother, women and girls, for – at the very least – the [potential] gift of life.  Since the Mother-Child relationship is our first relationship, imagine the lasting impact that this unconditional respect would have on ourselves and our relationships with others.

Whether you think fondly of your mother, or not, find the need to have respect for her because you will be doing yourself, your family, and your community a favor! Don’t get me wrong, respect does NOT mean accepting abuse. Boundaries are important for every relationship, even a parental relationship.

11 Signs You Had An Emotionally Abusive Parent

Happy Day, Mothers: A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View

Mothers’ experiences help mold them into the person that we know (or never had the chance to know). But what we see of them is only a piece of their story. If your mother did a great job preparing you for this world and surrounded you with a helpful and supportive community, be grateful and motivated to return those lessons and energy to your own family and community.

If your mother exposed you to harm and fear, be grateful for surviving, learn from her shortcomings, and forgive her for not giving you what she probably never received. No mother is perfect but they all have lessons for us. Focusing on the lessons, and not the disappointments, is what the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset is all about. With that said, have a Happy Day, every day, Mothers! 

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