Affirmations after escaping domestic violence abuse: I forgive myself for staying too long

Almost ten years, off and on, mostly on, in an abusive relationship. Within the first three months, I was looking for an out. Why did I stay so long?

I am not sure if I have an answer, but it felt like I had 100 reasons.

Sometimes, I mourn the years lost. Sometimes I wonder what life would look like today had I left earlier. But what good are these thoughts, other than to use as motivation for the future.

Release yourself from the guilt. Now is your time.

Whether you stayed one day or 25 years after realizing you were in an abusive relationship, don’t hold your healing hostage by not forgiving yourself.

Healing is a process.

Give yourself grace.

Blaming yourself for your abuse only keeps you in the state of abuse. Blaming yourself for your abuse will indirectly make you think that somehow you deserved abuse … but you didn’t deserve it.

Stop worrying about how long it took and be thankful that you lived to create a new and improved chapter of your life.

“I forgive myself for staying too long. I was not prepared for such a hardship and needed to gather and develop tools to be successful.“

“I am grateful to have a new chance at life. I have an opportunity to redefine myself. A have the tools that will keep me out of domestic violence abuse in the future, God Willing.”

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Affirmations after Escaping Domestic Violence Abuse: My compassion will not be used against me.

Being compassionate is not a weakness. We are supposed to have compassion for one another. The problem is the people who take advantage of our compassion. An abuser loves a compassionate victim. An abuser wants us to care so much about them that we neglect ourselves.

I have this rule about loaning money: I don’t loan money that I am going to need back. This rule protects me from financial hardship if something comes up and the loan can’t be repaid on time. It also protects the relationship with the borrower.

I am working on a similar rule for compassion: I don’t give compassion to others that compromises the compassion I need to have for myself.

We must care for ourselves first. If we allow our compassion to be used against us, we may find ourselves right back in the situation we Prayed to get of in the first place… and most likely a worst situation to make sure we think two, three, four times before we try to end it next time.

Being compassionate is a wonderful Blessing but know that everyone one doesn’t deserve it in a direct way. Sometimes you have to limit your compassion to saying a Prayer for them – from a distance. Prayer is a powerful tool, and if you are Praying for the wellness for your abuser, you have done more than enough. Give yourself compassion first.

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Is the design too busy?

Would you change the colors?

Would you like a solid background instead?

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Faith is. . .

What is Faith to you?

Faith is knowing, even when you are not sure.

Faith is living after you close a door.

Faith is finding joy among your sorrows.

Faith is holding on to hope for all your tomorrows.

Faith doesn’t mean that everything is perfect,

but Faith let’s you know that the work is worth it.

Life comes with hardships. It comes with pain.

Be motivated by Faith and let Faith direct your aim.

Not Mad. Motivated.
Let Faith turn your “Why Me” into “A Better Me”.

Tell the Children the Truth: About America

There are many songs by the legendary Bob Marley which often brings me to tears. After hearing about Trump’s “Mount Rushmore” speech, one song, in particular, has occupied my mind space. The toward the end of the song Babylon System, from the album Survival, the phase “Tell the Children the Truth” repeats. Mr. Marley’s pleas to be honest with the children is still painful to hear, as I witness a “president” who refuses to tell the truth about America!

Have the heart to Tell the Children the Truth!

In his speech, Trump portrays this idea that schools are vilifying the heroes that built our country. However, I have witnessed the exact opposite. I have donated to many book projects for teachers, classrooms, and schools over the last couple of years. Looking at those books, I do not see “our heroes” being vilifying. Instead, I see our heroes becoming more inclusive.

“Our children are taught in school to hate their own country and that the men and women who built it were not heroes but that were villains.”

Trump, Mount Rushmore, July 03, 2020

When our teachers expose students to the US enslavement of Africans and their descendants, they teach that those Black Lives Mattered. They teach about men and women who literally built our country. Men and women who were literally vilified – not even recognized as human for a time!

When our teachers teach about the land stolen from the Native Americans, and the immigrants whose labor also built America, they teach about the truth that Trump and his followers would rather forget. The US was built by many, but greatly profited only a few. To keep that balance of imbalance, those who invested the most blood, sweat, and tears were made the enemy of the US. This is not hate speech, it is truth.

A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View

The history of America gives witness to the fact that wealth and power has always been more important than its people. There is a lot to be mad about when it comes to our history and the impact that it continues to have on so many today. If you are angry, make sure you are angry with a purpose! Seek knowledge. Have real conversations. Move with kindness. Have compassion. Tell the Truth. Do NOT just get MAD. Get MOTIVATED. The difference starts at home.

Get ready to make positive  moves!
Change in US starts with us!

Hind’s Hands: A “Not Mad. Motivated.” Book Sharing

My collection of children’s books about Autism continues to grow! I am happy to share my latest addition, Hind’s Hands: A Story About Autism.

Hind's Hands: A Story About Autism by Umm Juwayriyah and Juwayriyah Ayed

When I saw that Author Umm Juwayriyah was planning to visit my hometown with “books in tow”, I could not pass up the opportunity to meet – and purchase a book directly from – an author that I follow on social media. I performed an online search to explore Umm Juwayriyah’s catalog of work and to get a better idea of which book I wanted to buy. To my great satisfaction, I found that she, along with her daughter, Juwayriyah, wrote a book about Autism!

Meet the Author

I have loved reading for fun since I was a child, and once aspired to have my own bookstore. Even now, I look forward to owning a home with a dedicated library room.

Of all the years of me enjoying books, I have only met a handful of the authors who are responsible for providing me with their unique gifts of reading. Umm Juwayriyah is the latest of authors that I had the pleasure of meeting!

We arranged to meet at a local Masjid on a bright Saturday afternoon. As a parent of three school-aged children, and as someone who works full-time from home, having a face-to-face conversation with another adult was a welcomed departure from my typical day. We spent a good amount of time chatting before the North Carolina heat became sweltering. Despite the heat, it was great to meet a sister in both Faith and in parenting an Autistic child.

Faith Helps Sibling Practice Patience

Hind’s Hands: A Story About Autism is a lovely book from the perspective of nine year old Juwayriyah. Juwayriyah is the big sister of Hind, who is Autistic.

She’s kinda rough on the outside, but once you get to know her and her ways, then you’ll see how sweet she is.

Hind’s Hands: A Story About Autism

Having an Autistic sibling can be challenging. But Juwayriyah learns that patience is an important characteristic of any big sister (or brother). When Juwayriyah was younger, she would sometimes yell at Hind, allowing her frustrations to get the best of her. This would result in both her and Hind crying. Their Ummi (Mommy) used these difficult situations to teach Juwayriyah to help Hind learn by showing her good examples.

After receiving Ummi’s words of advice, Juwayriyah tries hard to be a better big sister and she asks Allah (God) for more patience. Now, Juwayriyah reacts differently when Hind messes up a clean room or has an outburst. Instead of yelling, Juwayriyah says Bismillah (In the name of Allah) and softly rub Hind’s hands together for her. Juwayriyah knows that Hind’s hands are special and important. She uses this knowledge to help Hind feel calm. She even shows Hind some hand games!

A “Not Mad. Motivated.” Point of View

I love that this book is full of lessons and teachable moments! This Story About Autism is a true reflection of what “Not Mad. Motivated.” means – using moments of difficulty and growing from them! As the mother of three boys, the youngest being Autistic, I have witnessed many incidences leading to great frustrations. From messing up rooms, to taking food and drinks, to being loud all night, my oldest two sons can truly relate to Juwayriyah’s difficulties. However, reading Hind’s Hands is a reminder to them to practice patience and to seek Help from their Creator. It also reminds them of how important they are to the family and to their younger siblings.

This book is special to me because it depicts a Black Muslim family who loves and grows with someone with Autism. This is the first occasion that I have personally witness this depicted in a children’s book. I am happy to share it with my family because it reflect us in so many ways. I am happy to share it with others because it may also reflect them in many ways. Whether you are Muslim or not, and no matter your race, many of us are connected through our relationship with Autism. We are connected through our need for support and understanding. We are connected through our dreams, our hopes, our pain, our strengths, and our struggles.

Speaking of dreams. . .

Bonus Book Sharing: YASEEN’S BIG DREAM

Author Umm Juwayriyah has a book that came out earlier this year! Yaseen’s Big Dream is an exciting children’s book about a very ambitious young boy. This book is not specifically about Autism. But a story about dreaming big is really a story about most of us.

Yaseen's BIG Dream by Umm Juwayriyah

What I appreciate most about this book, is that Yaseen’s dream are never selfish. He is not dreaming to be rich or famous. He is dreaming to be helpful to others! Even though he is an important person in his biggest dream, he doing things like feeding the homeless (and feeding them well, may I add) and teaching communities how to start their own gardens. Yaseen is a true leader in his desire to make a difference in the lives of others.

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