After surviving traumatic experiences, such as domestic violence abuse, much healing is needed. The end to the experience does not end the trauma. Healing doesn’t happen over night, and it doesn’t happen without working for it. Surviving after trauma does not equate to be healed. Simply making it through each day and week should not be enough. It is not enough. That is why I am “planning” to heal. I challenge you to do the same!
Not long ago, I realized that I was just surviving. Between a full time career and three children, I barely found the time to experience absolute joy. This is not to say that my life was completely void of joy. It is more saying that being in “survivor mode” did not allow me to fulling engage in the joy that was around me.
It is so easy to go through a day without stopping and caring for ourselves. How many times have we wished that there was more time in a day? It may seem difficult to “find” time for personal care, but the time we spend in joy and in peace is the time where healing resides.
I am challenging myself to Plan2Heal. My ultimate goal is to “find” time for my healing through planning to use my time more efficiently. I am in the process of designing a planner to use as a guide. I would love for you to join me in this challenge. The planner will have 6 unique pages, which you can print as needed. And it will be free.
Success is easier and sweeter when it is done together. Let’s help keep each other accountable. Let’s plan2heal together. Look for the planner and more details next week.
Also, if you are a survivor of Domestic Violence Abuse, a business owner, and an iPhone user, and you are not on Clubhouse but would like to be, send me an email or message me through social media. I have invites.
I wrote a lot about my dad last week, remembering his life. This week, I am revisiting and updating a post from May 2018 called “Happy Day, Mothers”. I hope you find something useful.
As Mother’s Day was approaching in 2018, I wanted to write something to commemorate the occasion. I sat down several times for my “Happy Mother’s Day” post. However, I could not find the words to satisfy my desired message. As the day ended, I decided to wait for the right words.
Waiting to celebrate mothers, on a day other than Mother’s Day, ironically became the very essence of this expression of love and appreciation. The importance of a mother could never be contained to just one day. No matter your opinion of her, your mother shared her whole self with you for you to be in this exact moment. You are in THIS moment with this life of limitless opportunity because of an incredible duty that she fulfilled.
A Woman’s Place
No mother is perfect. Some mothers make it look easier than others, but being a mother is extremely hard. Being a good mother is even harder. As children, we can unknowingly, impose unrealistic expectations on our mothers. These expectations may be unrealistic because of issues such as lack of experience, knowledge, or financial and emotional support. But with compassion, forgiveness and unconditional respect, children can find themselves grow into healthier and more productive adults.
In general, “Society” it undervalues women. This has occurred throughout of human history. According to a recent study, women mayors are three times more likely to be physically attacked compared to mayors who are men. These women are elected city leaders on a stage for many to see; not the many women and girls living with abusive behaviors passed down from generation to generation and directly impacting the well-being of mothers (and potential mothers) everywhere.
With All Due Respect
Imagine a community – or humanity as an whole – where all children are taught to respect their mother, women and girls, for – at the very least – the [potential] gift of life. Since the Mother-Child relationship is our first relationship, imagine the lasting impact that this unconditional respect would have on ourselves and our relationships with others.
Whether you think fondly of your mother, or not, find the need to have respect for her because you will be doing yourself, your family, and your community a favor! Don’t get me wrong, respect does NOT mean accepting abuse. Boundaries are important for every relationship, even a parental relationship.
Happy Day, Mothers: A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View
Mothers’ experiences help mold them into the person that we know (or never had the chance to know). But what we see of them is only a piece of their story. If your mother did a great job preparing you for this world and surrounded you with a helpful and supportive community, be grateful and motivated to return those lessons and energy to your own family and community.
If your mother exposed you to harm and fear, be grateful for surviving, learn from her shortcomings, and forgive her for not giving you what she probably never received. No mother is perfect but they all have lessons for us. Focusing on the lessons, and not the disappointments, is what the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset is all about. With that said, have a Happy Day, every day, Mothers!
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Many parents experience difficulties with children having ‘picky’ eating habits. This challenge is often magnified for Autistic children because of the increased probability of sensory processing complications. Whether the food overstimulates or underwhelms the senses, it can be a quick and easy refusal of food on sight or smell alone!
Of course there are Autistic children who enjoy a variety of vegetables and fruits. However, many parents – including myself – find it difficult to persuade our Autistic child to voluntarily and consistently consume the most healthiest of foods.
One minor solution to help increase vegetables/fruit intake is to hide these items among food that your child already enjoys. For example, try adding a purée of carrots to spaghetti sauce if your picky eater loves spaghetti. One may conclude that ‘hiding’ fruits and vegetables is a good start. However, the ultimate goal is finding the right healthy foods that your child will be eager to eat!
I admit that I have not been the best at preparing and eating vegetables. I recognized that changing my eating habits could directly influence the habits of my son. This thought, along with some unexpected weight gain, helped guide my decision to participate in a Reset and Rebalance Program. The “Reset” included a week of all the vegetables that I could stand. So when it was time to dice all those vegetables to make some easy and filling soup, I had my seven year old son sitting at the table with me. To my surprise, he picked up a piece of a bell pepper and took several bites!
I must admit that when he first tried bell peppers, he only chewed then (which got messy). But my “Celebrate Often” excitement of knowing that he chose to opened his mouth and try peppers overruled my concerns over the mess. Now, whenever I chop and dice vegetables, I try to have my youngest son sitting with me, leaving every type of vegetable within his reach.
Small Change, Great Reward
You might think that adding bell peppers to a diet is not much to celebrate, but you would be wrong. There are many amazing benefits of bell peppers. They are high in vitamin A, supporting eye health. They are a great source of vitamin C, which supports tissue health and immunity. The folate in peppers supports the functioning of red blood cells. The lycopene, in red bell peppers fight free radicals that are acquired from natural exposure to environmental toxins. Are you celebrating yet? All these benefits are great, but there are a couple more benefits, or possible benefits, that really causes me to celebrate!
The high sources of potassium and the good source of fiber helps keep fluids and minerals balanced and can help regulate digestion. Since my son regularly suffers from constipation, these combined benefits are greatly reflective of his nutritional needs. Lastly, and perhaps more importantly, consumption of bell peppers may help lower the risk of certain cancers, such as colorectal, breast, and prostate. Although my son is only a young seven, his Autism is thought to be a symptom for a rare disease, PTEN Hamartomous Tumor Syndrome (PHTS), which can increase the risk of cancers such as colorectal, breast, and prostate. Amazing, right?!
When it comes to a picky eater, just like in life, it is important to create new paths and possibilities to success. We all come across difficult situations, some more difficult and more traumatic than others. These situations are ours to overcome! Whether we have the support of a community, or we are in our “corner” alone, it is ultimately our decision to use all the strength within and around us to survive and seek success.
Not Mad. Motivated. was created to be a reminder to use current and past difficulties and challenges as motivation for forward movement toward positive change. Help us spread the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset by purchasing your Not Mad. Motivated. shirt today!
Coming this week: New Not Mad. Motivated. merchandise!
When I was younger, I remember seeing a motivational poster with an eagle soaring in the sky. The poster featured the phrase “Dream Big” along with the above Zig Zigler quotation. Throughout my life, I thought about that eagle and the freedom that it represented. With the right mindset, I was able to use that visual input as motivation to achievement goals.
The Tales of Two Mindsets
Do you realize that there are two main mindsets that helps determine our personal drive? Someone with a fixed mindset believes that aspects such as intelligence, characteristics and skills, and perhaps circumstances, are unchangeable or static. According to Carol Dweck, psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, a fixed mindset “leads to the desire to look smart and therefore a tendency to”:
Give up easily due to obstacles
See effort as fruitless
Ignore useful feedback
Be threatened by the success of others
This type of mindset can be extremely danger to not only the individual and their family, but also to society in general.
Conversely, someone with a growth mindset believes that they can develop their intelligence, characteristics, skills, and circumstances. A growth mindset “leads to a desire to learn and therefore a tendency to”:
Persist despite obstacles
See effort as a path to mastery
Learn from criticism
Be inspired by others’ success
Encouraging a Growth Mindset
If you have a growth mindset and you are a person of influence, such as a parent, teacher, caregiver, or other type of leader, make the effort to encourage others, especially children, to embrace their ability to grow and develop themselves with hard work, planning & goal setting, and accepting help from others. Be an example by asking them to critique how YOU are doing as a person of influence in their life, and use their comments to demonstrate positive change. Teach others to discuss their challenges using positive, reaffirming statements instead words of defeat and discouragement. Also, use visual input as reminders of what they can achieve, and that which they have already achieved!
With a growth mindset, the concept of dreaming big is completely rational since there is an acceptance that one’s abilities and situations are not limited by what one is experiencing today. Seeing hard working parents or leaders creates a visual example which can help inspire the work ethics of a younger generation. When you plan your day, or week, and you are able to check off tasks, you can established a visual that is encouraging you to recognize your efforts and your successes, while motivating you to continue toward additional goals. Get out into nature and be inspired the always changing world that sustains us all! Create a vision board using pictures that reflect your goals and words to elevate your passion and commitment! Make time to be creative and remind yourself that your success is for you to develop and foster!
The Not Mad. Motivated. Mindset
The Not Mad. Motivated. brand was conceptualized from a growth mindset! Being Not Mad. Motivated. represents the decision to grow and succeed despite challenges and obstacles. Living among negative elements with a fixed mindset of hopelessness and anger is a quick way to a life of misery and pain. Not Mad. Motivated. wants to be a reminder of the fact that current difficulties are only temporary if you use them to motivate you into the necessary movement toward positive change. To help us spread the mindset of Motivation, purchase your Not Mad. Motivated. t-shirt today!
This poem is not about accepting [domestic] violence; instead, it is about accepting one’s experience of it. This poem is about realization of strength, determination to thrive, and turning someone’s hateful acts into acts of self love because. . .
No one deserves to be abused! If you are in an abusive relationship, please find the strength to leave it. It is easier said then done, but you are worth it! If you need help, call your local domestic violence hotline, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for support, resources and advice.