Tag: Growth

Affirmations after escaping domestic violence abuse: I forgive myself for staying too long

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Almost ten years, off and on, mostly on, in an abusive relationship. Within the first three months, I was looking for an out. Why did I stay so long?

I am not sure if I have an answer, but it felt like I had 100 reasons.

Sometimes, I mourn the years lost. Sometimes I wonder what life would look like today had I left earlier. But what good are these thoughts, other than to use as motivation for the future.

Release yourself from the guilt. Now is your time.

Whether you stayed one day or 25 years after realizing you were in an abusive relationship, don’t hold your healing hostage by not forgiving yourself.

Healing is a process.

Give yourself grace.

Blaming yourself for your abuse only keeps you in the state of abuse. Blaming yourself for your abuse will indirectly make you think that somehow you deserved abuse … but you didn’t deserve it.

Stop worrying about how long it took and be thankful that you lived to create a new and improved chapter of your life.

“I forgive myself for staying too long. I was not prepared for such a hardship and needed to gather and develop tools to be successful.“

“I am grateful to have a new chance at life. I have an opportunity to redefine myself. A have the tools that will keep me out of domestic violence abuse in the future, God Willing.”

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Affirmations after Escaping Domestic Violence Abuse: My compassion will not be used against me.

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Being compassionate is not a weakness. We are supposed to have compassion for one another. The problem is the people who take advantage of our compassion. An abuser loves a compassionate victim. An abuser wants us to care so much about them that we neglect ourselves.

I have this rule about loaning money: I don’t loan money that I am going to need back. This rule protects me from financial hardship if something comes up and the loan can’t be repaid on time. It also protects the relationship with the borrower.

I am working on a similar rule for compassion: I don’t give compassion to others that compromises the compassion I need to have for myself.

We must care for ourselves first. If we allow our compassion to be used against us, we may find ourselves right back in the situation we Prayed to get of in the first place… and most likely a worst situation to make sure we think two, three, four times before we try to end it next time.

Being compassionate is a wonderful Blessing but know that everyone one doesn’t deserve it in a direct way. Sometimes you have to limit your compassion to saying a Prayer for them – from a distance. Prayer is a powerful tool, and if you are Praying for the wellness for your abuser, you have done more than enough. Give yourself compassion first.

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Is the design too busy?

Would you change the colors?

Would you like a solid background instead?

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Plan2Heal – A Not Mad. Motivated. Challenge

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After surviving traumatic experiences, such as domestic violence abuse, much healing is needed. The end to the experience does not end the trauma. Healing doesn’t happen over night, and it doesn’t happen without working for it. Surviving after trauma does not equate to be healed. Simply making it through each day and week should not be enough. It is not enough. That is why I am “planning” to heal. I challenge you to do the same!

Did you know that some people are traumatized by witnessing or hearing about the traumatic experiences of other?

Not long ago, I realized that I was just surviving. Between a full time career and three children, I barely found the time to experience absolute joy. This is not to say that my life was completely void of joy. It is more saying that being in “survivor mode” did not allow me to fulling engage in the joy that was around me.

It is so easy to go through a day without stopping and caring for ourselves. How many times have we wished that there was more time in a day? It may seem difficult to “find” time for personal care, but the time we spend in joy and in peace is the time where healing resides.

I am challenging myself to Plan2Heal. My ultimate goal is to “find” time for my healing through planning to use my time more efficiently. I am in the process of designing a planner to use as a guide. I would love for you to join me in this challenge. The planner will have 6 unique pages, which you can print as needed. And it will be free.

Success is easier and sweeter when it is done together. Let’s help keep each other accountable. Let’s plan2heal together. Look for the planner and more details next week.

Also, if you are a survivor of Domestic Violence Abuse, a business owner, and an iPhone user, and you are not on Clubhouse but would like to be, send me an email or message me through social media. I have invites.

Happy Day, Mothers! from Not Mad. Motivated.

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I wrote a lot about my dad last week, remembering his life. This week, I am revisiting and updating a post from May 2018 called “Happy Day, Mothers”. I hope you find something useful.

As Mother’s Day was approaching in 2018, I wanted to write something to commemorate the occasion.  I sat down several times for my “Happy Mother’s Day” post. However, I could not find the words to satisfy my desired message. As the day ended, I decided to wait for the right words.

Waiting to celebrate mothers, on a day other than Mother’s Day, ironically became the very essence of this expression of love and appreciation. The importance of a mother could never be contained to just one day.  No matter your opinion of her, your mother shared her whole self with you for you to be in this exact moment. You are in THIS moment with this life of limitless opportunity because of an incredible duty that she fulfilled.  

A Woman’s Place

No mother is perfect.  Some mothers make it look easier than others, but being a mother is extremely hard.  Being a good mother is even harder.  As children, we can unknowingly, impose unrealistic expectations on our mothers.  These expectations may be unrealistic because of issues such as lack of experience, knowledge, or financial and emotional support.  But with compassion, forgiveness and unconditional respect, children can find themselves grow into healthier and more productive adults. 

In general, “Society” it undervalues women. This has occurred throughout of human history. According to a recent study, women mayors are three times more likely to be physically attacked compared to mayors who are men. These women are elected city leaders on a stage for many to see; not the many women and girls living with abusive behaviors passed down from generation to generation and directly impacting the well-being of mothers (and potential mothers) everywhere.

With All Due Respect

Imagine a community – or humanity as an whole – where all children are taught to respect their mother, women and girls, for – at the very least – the [potential] gift of life.  Since the Mother-Child relationship is our first relationship, imagine the lasting impact that this unconditional respect would have on ourselves and our relationships with others.

Whether you think fondly of your mother, or not, find the need to have respect for her because you will be doing yourself, your family, and your community a favor! Don’t get me wrong, respect does NOT mean accepting abuse. Boundaries are important for every relationship, even a parental relationship.

11 Signs You Had An Emotionally Abusive Parent

Happy Day, Mothers: A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View

Mothers’ experiences help mold them into the person that we know (or never had the chance to know). But what we see of them is only a piece of their story. If your mother did a great job preparing you for this world and surrounded you with a helpful and supportive community, be grateful and motivated to return those lessons and energy to your own family and community.

If your mother exposed you to harm and fear, be grateful for surviving, learn from her shortcomings, and forgive her for not giving you what she probably never received. No mother is perfect but they all have lessons for us. Focusing on the lessons, and not the disappointments, is what the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset is all about. With that said, have a Happy Day, every day, Mothers! 

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Celebrate Often and Be Peppered with Possibilities!

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Many parents experience difficulties with children having ‘picky’ eating habits. This challenge is often magnified for Autistic children because of the increased probability of sensory processing complications. Whether the food overstimulates or underwhelms the senses, it can be a quick and easy refusal of food on sight or smell alone!

Of course there are Autistic children who enjoy a variety of vegetables and fruits. However, many parents – including myself – find it difficult to persuade our Autistic child to voluntarily and consistently consume the most healthiest of foods.

One minor solution to help increase vegetables/fruit intake is to hide these items among food that your child already enjoys. For example, try adding a purée of carrots to spaghetti sauce if your picky eater loves spaghetti. One may conclude that ‘hiding’ fruits and vegetables is a good start. However, the ultimate goal is finding the right healthy foods that your child will be eager to eat!

For more ideas about boosting meals with purées, check out this book.

The Right Super Food Made it to the Table

I admit that I have not been the best at preparing and eating vegetables. I recognized that changing my eating habits could directly influence the habits of my son. This thought, along with some unexpected weight gain, helped guide my decision to participate in a Reset and Rebalance Program. The “Reset” included a week of all the vegetables that I could stand. So when it was time to dice all those vegetables to make some easy and filling soup, I had my seven year old son sitting at the table with me. To my surprise, he picked up a piece of a bell pepper and took several bites!

I must admit that when he first tried bell peppers, he only chewed then (which got messy). But my “Celebrate Often” excitement of knowing that he chose to opened his mouth and try peppers overruled my concerns over the mess. Now, whenever I chop and dice vegetables, I try to have my youngest son sitting with me, leaving every type of vegetable within his reach.

Small Change, Great Reward

You might think that adding bell peppers to a diet is not much to celebrate, but you would be wrong. There are many amazing benefits of bell peppers. They are high in vitamin A, supporting eye health. They are a great source of vitamin C, which supports tissue health and immunity. The folate in peppers supports the functioning of red blood cells. The lycopene, in red bell peppers fight free radicals that are acquired from natural exposure to environmental toxins. Are you celebrating yet? All these benefits are great, but there are a couple more benefits, or possible benefits, that really causes me to celebrate!

The high sources of potassium and the good source of fiber helps keep fluids and minerals balanced and can help regulate digestion. Since my son regularly suffers from constipation, these combined benefits are greatly reflective of his nutritional needs. Lastly, and perhaps more importantly, consumption of bell peppers may help lower the risk of certain cancers, such as colorectal, breast, and prostate. Although my son is only a young seven, his Autism is thought to be a symptom for a rare disease, PTEN Hamartomous Tumor Syndrome (PHTS), which can increase the risk of cancers such as colorectal, breast, and prostate. Amazing, right?!

The Not Mad. Motivated. Mindset

When it comes to a picky eater, just like in life, it is important to create new paths and possibilities to success. We all come across difficult situations, some more difficult and more traumatic than others. These situations are ours to overcome! Whether we have the support of a community, or we are in our “corner” alone, it is ultimately our decision to use all the strength within and around us to survive and seek success.

Not Mad. Motivated. was created to be a reminder to use current and past difficulties and challenges as motivation for forward movement toward positive change. Help us spread the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset by purchasing your Not Mad. Motivated. shirt today!

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