Affirmations after escaping domestic violence abuse: I forgive myself for staying too long

Almost ten years, off and on, mostly on, in an abusive relationship. Within the first three months, I was looking for an out. Why did I stay so long?

I am not sure if I have an answer, but it felt like I had 100 reasons.

Sometimes, I mourn the years lost. Sometimes I wonder what life would look like today had I left earlier. But what good are these thoughts, other than to use as motivation for the future.

Release yourself from the guilt. Now is your time.

Whether you stayed one day or 25 years after realizing you were in an abusive relationship, don’t hold your healing hostage by not forgiving yourself.

Healing is a process.

Give yourself grace.

Blaming yourself for your abuse only keeps you in the state of abuse. Blaming yourself for your abuse will indirectly make you think that somehow you deserved abuse … but you didn’t deserve it.

Stop worrying about how long it took and be thankful that you lived to create a new and improved chapter of your life.

“I forgive myself for staying too long. I was not prepared for such a hardship and needed to gather and develop tools to be successful.“

“I am grateful to have a new chance at life. I have an opportunity to redefine myself. A have the tools that will keep me out of domestic violence abuse in the future, God Willing.”

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Affirmations after Escaping Domestic Violence Abuse: My compassion will not be used against me.

Being compassionate is not a weakness. We are supposed to have compassion for one another. The problem is the people who take advantage of our compassion. An abuser loves a compassionate victim. An abuser wants us to care so much about them that we neglect ourselves.

I have this rule about loaning money: I don’t loan money that I am going to need back. This rule protects me from financial hardship if something comes up and the loan can’t be repaid on time. It also protects the relationship with the borrower.

I am working on a similar rule for compassion: I don’t give compassion to others that compromises the compassion I need to have for myself.

We must care for ourselves first. If we allow our compassion to be used against us, we may find ourselves right back in the situation we Prayed to get of in the first place… and most likely a worst situation to make sure we think two, three, four times before we try to end it next time.

Being compassionate is a wonderful Blessing but know that everyone one doesn’t deserve it in a direct way. Sometimes you have to limit your compassion to saying a Prayer for them – from a distance. Prayer is a powerful tool, and if you are Praying for the wellness for your abuser, you have done more than enough. Give yourself compassion first.

Not Mad. Motivated. to Affirm the Voice of Women who have Experienced Domestic Violence Abuse

Last year, I decided to evaluate my passions after my son was given a Passion Project assignment for school. The assignment was meant to engage them in something they were interested in after in-person learning was abruptly cancelled.

In my evaluation, I determined that my passion is building connections. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence abuse, the first person to build a connect with is myself.

I decided I wanted to create affirmations cards for other women who have experienced domestic violence abuse. Often we are silenced in these relationships, and our voices are ignored after the relationship ends.

The featured image in the post is one of the cards. I would love your opinion.

Is the design too busy?

Would you change the colors?

Would you like a solid background instead?

Your feedback is appreciated🧡 If you don’t want to leave a comment on the page, please use the contact form.

Tell the Children the Truth: About America

There are many songs by the legendary Bob Marley which often brings me to tears. After hearing about Trump’s “Mount Rushmore” speech, one song, in particular, has occupied my mind space. The toward the end of the song Babylon System, from the album Survival, the phase “Tell the Children the Truth” repeats. Mr. Marley’s pleas to be honest with the children is still painful to hear, as I witness a “president” who refuses to tell the truth about America!

Have the heart to Tell the Children the Truth!

In his speech, Trump portrays this idea that schools are vilifying the heroes that built our country. However, I have witnessed the exact opposite. I have donated to many book projects for teachers, classrooms, and schools over the last couple of years. Looking at those books, I do not see “our heroes” being vilifying. Instead, I see our heroes becoming more inclusive.

“Our children are taught in school to hate their own country and that the men and women who built it were not heroes but that were villains.”

Trump, Mount Rushmore, July 03, 2020

When our teachers expose students to the US enslavement of Africans and their descendants, they teach that those Black Lives Mattered. They teach about men and women who literally built our country. Men and women who were literally vilified – not even recognized as human for a time!

When our teachers teach about the land stolen from the Native Americans, and the immigrants whose labor also built America, they teach about the truth that Trump and his followers would rather forget. The US was built by many, but greatly profited only a few. To keep that balance of imbalance, those who invested the most blood, sweat, and tears were made the enemy of the US. This is not hate speech, it is truth.

A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View

The history of America gives witness to the fact that wealth and power has always been more important than its people. There is a lot to be mad about when it comes to our history and the impact that it continues to have on so many today. If you are angry, make sure you are angry with a purpose! Seek knowledge. Have real conversations. Move with kindness. Have compassion. Tell the Truth. Do NOT just get MAD. Get MOTIVATED. The difference starts at home.

Get ready to make positive  moves!
Change in US starts with us!

Happy Day, Mothers! from Not Mad. Motivated.

I wrote a lot about my dad last week, remembering his life. This week, I am revisiting and updating a post from May 2018 called “Happy Day, Mothers”. I hope you find something useful.

As Mother’s Day was approaching in 2018, I wanted to write something to commemorate the occasion.  I sat down several times for my “Happy Mother’s Day” post. However, I could not find the words to satisfy my desired message. As the day ended, I decided to wait for the right words.

Waiting to celebrate mothers, on a day other than Mother’s Day, ironically became the very essence of this expression of love and appreciation. The importance of a mother could never be contained to just one day.  No matter your opinion of her, your mother shared her whole self with you for you to be in this exact moment. You are in THIS moment with this life of limitless opportunity because of an incredible duty that she fulfilled.  

A Woman’s Place

No mother is perfect.  Some mothers make it look easier than others, but being a mother is extremely hard.  Being a good mother is even harder.  As children, we can unknowingly, impose unrealistic expectations on our mothers.  These expectations may be unrealistic because of issues such as lack of experience, knowledge, or financial and emotional support.  But with compassion, forgiveness and unconditional respect, children can find themselves grow into healthier and more productive adults. 

In general, “Society” it undervalues women. This has occurred throughout of human history. According to a recent study, women mayors are three times more likely to be physically attacked compared to mayors who are men. These women are elected city leaders on a stage for many to see; not the many women and girls living with abusive behaviors passed down from generation to generation and directly impacting the well-being of mothers (and potential mothers) everywhere.

With All Due Respect

Imagine a community – or humanity as an whole – where all children are taught to respect their mother, women and girls, for – at the very least – the [potential] gift of life.  Since the Mother-Child relationship is our first relationship, imagine the lasting impact that this unconditional respect would have on ourselves and our relationships with others.

Whether you think fondly of your mother, or not, find the need to have respect for her because you will be doing yourself, your family, and your community a favor! Don’t get me wrong, respect does NOT mean accepting abuse. Boundaries are important for every relationship, even a parental relationship.

11 Signs You Had An Emotionally Abusive Parent

Happy Day, Mothers: A Not Mad. Motivated. Point of View

Mothers’ experiences help mold them into the person that we know (or never had the chance to know). But what we see of them is only a piece of their story. If your mother did a great job preparing you for this world and surrounded you with a helpful and supportive community, be grateful and motivated to return those lessons and energy to your own family and community.

If your mother exposed you to harm and fear, be grateful for surviving, learn from her shortcomings, and forgive her for not giving you what she probably never received. No mother is perfect but they all have lessons for us. Focusing on the lessons, and not the disappointments, is what the Not Mad. Motivated. mindset is all about. With that said, have a Happy Day, every day, Mothers! 

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The Important ‘Voice’ of the Autistic Expert

My interactions with disabled individuals, from cousins to classmates, started at a very young age. My most impactful experiences likely came from my mother working at a group home. Some children were wheelchair-dependent, some spoke, some didn’t speak so well, and some did not seem like they belonging there. At that time, I didn’t completely understand why people were ‘different’. But I always understood that, no matter their appearance or abilities, they deserved compassion and respect.

When I was younger, the terms ‘Autism’ and ‘Autistic’ were not including in my language. However, I believe that my experiences and interactions with the disabled helped to prepare me for one of my most challenging – and rewarding – roles, being a mother of a disabled, Autistic child. My family’s journey with Autism started over six years ago, even though we only became aware of this journey last year.

The journey has been full of challenges, but the biggest challenge for me is not knowing! Not knowing if he hurts. Not knowing the healthiest foods that he will eat. Not knowing the best methods for him to learn. Not knowing if I have what he needs to maximize his success. He doesn’t have many words to vocalize his needs and wants, but he has plenty of potential role models who have experienced some of the things he has, and some things he will, experience.

This week, I have started a project to collect work from autistic authors who want to share their knowledge and educate others about their perspective of Autism. I can’t imagine a better expert to relay these life lessons. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all are teachers and students. Let’s support our Autistic authors and let the know that their voices are important to us!

If you know an Autistic author of books, blogs, etc., please leave the information in the comments area, or email me at NotMadMotivated@gmail.com.

We are the support that we need!